Yesterday I had to put my cat, Spring, to sleep. I was a complete wreck yesterday, and today wasn't all that much better. I just kind of slogged through my day, trying to get work done, fighting with a headache that wouldn't quit, and this dogged depression that just about feels like it's going to drown me. One thing has kept me determined to keep going forward: My other cat, Squeak.
Spring and Squeak are sisters, and as absolutely heartbroken as I feel losing Spring, I am honestly more afraid for Squeak than I am for myself. I can see her becoming scared and confused that her sister isn't home yet. The longest they've ever been apart is half a day, and now we're going on a full 24 hours. Squeak knows something is going on, and she's making herself heard.
I've spent a very large chunk of today (being a full day at home, thank goodness...) holding, petting, and cuddling Squeak as much as possible, trying to comfort her in her confusion and loneliness. In doing so, I find myself comforted despite myself, and the determination rising to keep charging ahead, insisting on being productive, and continuing to grow.
Spring had been around for my entire college career. She was always there when I got home, asking for attention, and insisting on taking part in my studies (typically by lying on my keyboard or headbutting my knees). She was always there to make sure I never took myself too seriously, or got so involved in something I'd forget to take a break and breathe.
Some might say that a person's pet is just an animal and why don't I just replace her? Those people don't understand that pets are a part of the family, and their loss is no less than losing a brother or a sister, or a best friend. They know your moods, they know your weaknesses, and they know most of all how to be the perfect listener when you just need to talk.
Spring was all of that and more, and I won't dirty her memory by falling into a pit of despair. #ThePrincessBrideRocks
I am currently in the middle of another interview process, and I am more determined than ever to succeed. So, fellow designers, artists, photographers, and everyone else with the creative bug, send your positive vibes, your prayers, your crossed fingers my way, and help me live up to the way my cat saw me.